Unsettled – Familial Love

1. This book is a love letter.
In our home, Mam was a singer, a baker, a
sewer. She was the one who dealt with
money and decided where we put our trailer.
She was determined that my father would
not keep horses because we had so many
small children. As a small child, I’d sit beside
my mother for hours with a crayon and
colouring book while she sewed. Being
physically close to her was comforting. In the
residential special school, many hours,
particularly at night-time, were spent in
tears. Missing her was a constant. Holiday
times were never long enough. My
loneliness when away from my family
matched Mam’s continuous heartache
because of my absence.
2. Mam held counsel with other women
who lived on the site. She was the person
who dealt with settled people. The
negotiator was a role she relished. Be it
social workers, doctors or teachers, it was
Mam who did the placating of these
professionals.
3. Once, when I arrived home to the site
with a short, punk haircut, Mam broke down
in tears. “Don’t let your father see you like
that.” Five minutes later, one of my aunts
called to the trailer door. She told my
mother that maybe being away in school was
a bad thing. My short skirt, my short haircut
and peculiar taste in music were a bad
influence on the other girls in the site,
particularly my cousins. Mam defended me
in a way no one else could, would or should.
The clothes and the music were only a
symptom, an indication that part of me knew
somewhere along the line that the
difference, not just between Mam and
myself, but also between me and my sisters
and cousins, would become unmanageable.

• to hold counsel 🗣️
  /həʊld ˈkaʊnsəl/
  — радитися

• site 🏕️
  /saɪt/
  — поселення, місце

• settled people 🏙️
  /ˈsetld ˈpiːpl/
  — осіле населення

• negotiator 🤝
  /nɪˈɡəʊʃɪeɪtər/
  — переговірник

• to relish 😊
  /ˈrelɪʃ/
  — отримувати задоволення

• to placate 🕊️
  /pləˈkeɪt/
  — заспокоювати, улагоджувати

• difference 🔀
  /ˈdɪfərəns/
  — відмінність

• unmanageable 🚫
  /ˌʌnˈmænɪdʒəbl/
  — некерований, нестерпний